Sunday, October 28, 2012

Feast of the Holy Guardian Angels



"I have come, of course, to speak to you about guardian angels.  Guardian angels are like the policemen of your soul.  They are present to serve and to protect. They influence moment to moment choices toward God's Will, for this is always the best choice.  These angels shed light on evil and always attempt to lead the soul around Satan's snares. These same angels stand guard over the soul's conscience, convicting it in any weakness towards Holy Love.  One precious way these guardians serve is to encourage the soul in a deeper life of virtue, thereby taking the soul deeper into the United Hearts.  As the guardians do this, they give the soul a strong distaste for sin."
"So you understand more fully the vital role each guardian angel plays in salvation.  Develop a closer relationship with your angel.  Talk to him throughout the day.  Ask him for his help.  Ask him to touch the hearts of those you must deal with in any given moment by his speaking to their angels. You will witness your guardian angel's profound influence."

That every individual soul has a guardian angel has never been defined by the Church, and is, consequently, not an article of faith; but it is the "mind of the Church", as St. Jerome expressed it: "how great the dignity of the soul, since each one has from his birth an angel commissioned to guard it." (Comm. in Matt., xviii, lib. II).
This belief in guardian angels can be traced throughout all antiquity; pagans, like Menander and Plutarch (cf. Eusebius, "Praep. Evang.", xii), and Neo-Platonists, like Plotinus, held it. It was also the belief of the Babylonians and Assyrians, as their monuments testify, for a figure of a guardian angel now in the British Museum once decorated an Assyrian palace, and might well serve for a modern representation; while Nabopolassar, father of Nebuchadnezzar the Great, says: "He (Marduk) sent a tutelary deity (cherub) of grace to go at my side; in everything that I did, he made my work to succeed."
In the Bible this doctrine is clearly discernible and its development is well marked. In Genesis 28-29, angels not only act as the executors of God's wrath against the cities of the plain, but they deliver Lot from danger; in Exodus 12-13, an angel is the appointed leader of the host of Israel, and in 32:34, God says to Moses: "my angel shall go before thee." At a much later period we have the story of Tobias, which might serve for a commentary on the words of Psalm 90:11: "For he hath given his angels charge over thee; to keep thee in all thy ways." (Cf. Psalm 33:8 and 34:5) Lastly, in Daniel 10 angels are entrusted with the care of particular districts; one is called "prince of the kingdom of the Persians", and Michael is termed "one of the chief princes"; cf. Deuteronomy 32:8 (Septuagint); and Ecclesiasticus 17:17 (Septuagint).
This sums up the Old Testament doctrine on the point; it is clear that the Old Testament conceived of God's angels as His ministers who carried out his behests, and who were at times given special commissions, regarding men and mundane affairs. There is no special teaching; the doctrine is rather taken for granted than expressly laid down; cf. 2 Maccabees 3:25; 10:29; 11:6; 15:23.
But in the New Testament the doctrine is stated with greater precision. Angels are everywhere the intermediaries between God and man; and Christ set a seal upon the Old Testament teaching: "See that you despise not one of these little ones: for I say to you, that their angels in heaven always see the face of my Father who is in heaven." (Matthew 18:10). A twofold aspect of the doctrine is here put before us: even little children have guardian angels, and these same angels lose not the vision of God by the fact that they have a mission to fulfil on earth.
Without dwelling on the various passages in the New Testament where the doctrine of guardian angels is suggested, it may suffice to mention the angel who succoured Christ in the garden, and the angel who delivered St. Peter from prison. Hebrews 1:14 puts the doctrine in its clearest light: "Are they not all ministering spirits, sent to minister for them, who shall receive the inheritance of salvation?" This is the function of the guardian angels; they are to lead us, if we wish it, to the Kingdom of Heaven.

St. Thomas teaches us (Summa Theologica I:113:4) that only the lowest orders of angels are sent to men, and consequently that they alone are our guardians, though Scotus and Durandus would rather say that any of the members of the angelic host may be sent to execute the Divine commands. Not only the baptized, but every soul that cometh into the world receives a guardian spirit; St. Basil, however (Homily on Psalm 43), and possibly St. Chrysostom (Homily 3 on Colossians) would hold that only Christians were so privileged. Our guardian angels can act upon our senses (I:111:4) and upon our imaginations (I:111:3) — not, however, upon our wills, except "per modum suadentis", viz. by working on our intellect, and thus upon our will, through the senses and the imagination. (I:106:2; and I:111:2). Finally, they are not separated from us after death, but remain with us in heaven, not, however, to help us attain salvation, but "ad aliquam illustrationem" (I:108:7, ad 3am).

Delta Flight 15



"The morning of Tuesday, September 11, we were about 5 hours out of Frankfurt, flying over the North Atlantic. All of a sudden the curtains parted and I was told to go to the cockpit, immediately, to see the captain. As soon as I got there I noticed that the crew had that "All Business" look on their faces. The captain handed me a printed message. It was from Delta's main office in Atlanta and simply read, "All airways over the Continental United States are closed to commercial air traffic. Land ASAP at the nearest airport. Advise your destination."
"No one said a word about what this could mean. We knew it was a serious situation and we needed to find terra firma quickly. The captain determined that the nearest airport was 400 miles behind us in Gander, New Foundland. He requested approval for a route change from the Canadian traffic controller and approval was granted immediately--no questions asked. We found out later, of course, why there was no hesitation in approving our request.
"While the flight crew prepared the airplane for landing, another message arrived from Atlanta telling us about some terrorist activity in the New York area. A few minutes later word came in about the hijackings. "We decided to lie to the passengers while we were still in the air. We told them the plane had a simple instrument problem and that we needed to land at the nearest airport in Gander, New Foundland to have it checked out. "We promised to give more information after landing in Gander. There was much grumbling among the passengers, but that's nothing new! Forty minutes later, we landed in Gander. Local time at Gander was 12:30 PM! .... that's 11:00 AM EST.
"There were already about 20 other airplanes on the ground from all over the world that had taken this detour on their way to the U.S.  After we parked on the ramp, the captain made the following announcement: "Ladies and gentlemen, you must be wondering if all these airplanes around us have the same instrument problem as we have. The reality is that we are here for another reason." Then he went on to explain the little bit we knew about the situation in the U.S. There were loud gasps and stares of disbelief. The captain informed passengers that Ground control in Gander told us to stay put.
"The Canadian Government was in charge of our situation and no one was allowed to get off the aircraft. No one on the ground was allowed to come near any of the air crafts. Only airport police would come around periodically, look us over and go on to the next airplane. In the next hour or so more planes landed and Gander ended up with 53 airplanes from all over the world, 27 of which were U.S. commercial jets.
"Meanwhile, bits of news started to come in over the aircraft radio and for the first time we learned that airplanes were flown into the World Trade Center in New York and into the Pentagon in DC. People were trying to use their cell phones, but were unable to connect due to a different cell system in Canada. Some did get through, but were only able to get to the Canadian operator who would tell them that the lines to the U.S. were either blocked or jammed.
"Sometime in the evening the news filtered to us that the World Trade Center buildings had collapsed and that a fourth hijacking had resulted in a crash. By now the passengers were emotionally and physically exhausted, not to mention frightened, but everyone stayed amazingly calm. We had only to look out the window at the 52 other stranded aircraft to realize that we were not the only ones in this predicament.
"We had been told earlier that they would be allowing people off the planes one plane at a time. At 6 PM, Gander airport told us that our turn to deplane would be 11 am the next morning. Passengers were not happy, but they simply resigned themselves to this news without much noise and started to prepare themselves to spend the night on the airplane. "Gander had promised us medical attention, if needed, water, and lavatory servicing. And they were true to their word. Fortunately we had no medical situations to worry about. We did have a young lady who was 33 weeks into her pregnancy. We took really good care of her. The night passed without incident despite the uncomfortable sleeping arrangements. "About 10:30 on the morning of the 12th a convoy of school buses showed up. We got off the plane and were taken to the terminal where we went through Immigration and Customs and then had to register with the Red Cross.
"After that we (the crew) were separated from the passengers and were taken in vans to a small hotel. We had no idea where our passengers were going. We learned from the Red Cross that the town of Gander has a population of 10,400 people and they had about 10,500 passengers to take care of from all the airplanes that were forced into Gander! We were told to just relax at the hotel and we would be contacted when the U.S. airports opened again, but not to expect that call for a while. "We found out the total scope of the terror back home only after getting to our hotel and turning on the TV, 24 hours after it all started. "Meanwhile, we had lots of time on our hands and found that the people of Gander were extremely friendly. They started calling us the "plane people." We enjoyed their hospitality, explored the town of Gander and ended up having a pretty good time.
"Two days later, we got that call and were taken back to the Gander airport. Back on the plane, we were reunited with the passengers and found out what they had been doing for the past two days. What we found out was incredible. "Gander and all the surrounding communities (within about a 75 Kilometer radius) had closed all high schools, meeting halls, lodges, and any other large gathering places. They converted all these facilities to mass lodging areas for all the stranded travelers. Some had cots set up, some had mats with sleeping bags and pillows set up.
"All the high school students were required to volunteer their time to take care of the "guests." Our 218 passengers ended up in a town called Lewis Porte, about 45 kilometers from Gander where they were put up in a high school. If any women wanted to be in a women-only facility, that was arranged. Families were kept together. All the elderly passengers were taken to private homes. "Remember that young pregnant lady? She was put up in a private home right across the street from a 24-hour Urgent Care facility. There was a dentist on call and both male and female nurses remained with the crowd for the duration.
"Phone calls and e-mails to the U.S. and around the world were available to everyone once a day. During the day, passengers were offered "Excursion" trips. Some people went on boat cruises of the lakes and harbors. Some went for hikes in the local forests. Local bakeries stayed open to make fresh bread for the guests. Food was prepared by all the residents and brought to the schools. People were driven to
restaurants of their choice and offered wonderful meals. Everyone was given tokens for local laundry mats to wash their clothes, since luggage was still on the aircraft. In other words, every single need
was met for those stranded travelers.
"Passengers were crying while telling us these stories. Finally, when they were told that U.S. airports had reopened, they were delivered to the airport right on time and without a single passenger missing or late. The local Red Cross had all the information about the whereabouts of each and every passenger and knew which plane they needed to be on and when all the planes were leaving. They coordinated everything beautifully. It was absolutely incredible.
"When passengers came on board, it was like they had been on a cruise. Everyone knew each other by name. They were swapping stories of their stay, impressing each other with who had the better time. Our flight back to Atlanta looked like a chartered party flight. The crew just stayed out of their way. It was mind-boggling. Passengers had totally bonded and were calling each other by their first names, exchanging phone numbers, addresses, and email addresses.

"And then a very unusual thing happened. One of our passengers approached me and asked if he could make an announcement over the PA system. We never, ever allow that.  But this time was different. I said "of course" and handed him the mike. He picked up the PA and reminded everyone about what they had just gone through in the last few days. He reminded them of the hospitality they had received at the hands of total strangers. He continued by saying that he would like to do something in return for the good folks of Lewis Porte.
"He said he was going to set up a Trust Fund under the name of DELTA 15 (our flight number). The purpose of the trust fund is to provide college scholarships for the high school students of Lewis Porte. He asked for donations of any amount from his fellow travelers. When the paper with donations got back to us with the amounts, names, phone numbers and addresses, the total was for more than $14,000!
"The gentleman, a MD from Virginia, promised to match the donations and to start the administrative work on the scholarship. He also said that he would forward this proposal to Delta Corporate and ask them to donate as well.  As I write this account, the trust fund is at more than $1.5 million and has assisted 134 students in college education.  "I just wanted to share this story because we need good stories right now. It gives me a little bit of hope to know that some people in a far away place were kind to some strangers who literally dropped in on them. It reminds me how much good there is in the world."  "In spite of all the rotten things we see going on in today’s world this story confirms that there are still a lot of good and Godly people in the world and when things get bad, they will come forward." 

"God Bless America...and the Canadians."

USA Map & Jesus



A father wanted to read a magazine but was being bothered by his little girl. She wanted to know what the United States looked like. Finally, he tore a sheet out of his new magazine on which was printed the map of the country. Tearing it into small pieces, he gave it to her and said, 'Go into the other room and see if you can put this together.
After a few minutes, she returned and handed him the map, correctly fitted and taped together. The father was surprised and asked how she had finished so quickly. 'Oh,' she said, 'on the other side of the paper is a picture of Jesus. When I got all of Jesus back where He belonged, Then our country just came together.'

90# On Your Telephone




I received a telephone call last evening from an individual identifying himself as an AT&T Service Technician (could also be Telus) who was conducting a test on the telephone lines. He stated that to complete the test I should touch nine (9), zero (0), the pound sign (#), and then hang up. Luckily, I was suspicious and refused.
Upon contacting the telephone company, I was informed that by pushing 90#, you give the requesting individual full access to your telephone line, which enables them to place long distance calls billed to your home phone number. I was further informed that this scam has been originating from many local jails/prisons. Do not press 90# for anyone.

See the following website for clarification:  http://www.snopes.com/fraud/telephone/jailcall.asp

Baby Boomer Game



MEMORY  TEST!  Have a paper and  pencil handy to record your answers.. Your mind isn't as sharp as it once was!  There are 20 questions. Average  score is 12. 


1. What builds strong bodies 12 ways?
A.  Flintstones vitamins
B.  The Buttmaster
C.  Spaghetti
D.  Wonder Bread
E.  Orange   Juice
F.  Milk
G.  Cod Liver Oil

2. Before he  was Muhammed Ali, he was...
A.  Sugar Ray Robinson.
B.  Roy Orbison..
C.  Gene Autry.
D.  Rudolph Valentino.
E.  Fabian.
F.  Mickey Mantle.
G.  Cassius Clay.

3. Pogo, the  comic strip character said, 'We have met the enemy and....
A.  It's you.
B.  He is us.
C.  It's the Grinch.
D.  He wasn't home.
E.  He's really me and you.
F.  We quit.
G.  He surrendered.

4. Good night,  David.
A..  Good night, Chet
B.  Sleep well.
C. Good night, Irene.
D.. Good night,  Gracie.
E.  See you later, alligator.
F.  Until tomorrow.
G.  Good night, Steve..

5. You'll  wonder where the yellow went...
A. When you use  Tide
B.  When you lose your crayons.
C.  When you clean your tub.
D.  If you paint the room blue.
E. If you buy a soft water  tank.
 F.  When you use Lady Clairol.
 G.  When you brush your teeth with Pepsodent.

6. Before he  was the Skipper's Little Buddy, Bob Denver was Dobie's friend...
A. Stuart  Whitman.
B   Randolph   Scott.
C..  Steve Reeves..
D.  Maynard G. Krebs.
E.  Corky B.. Dork.
F.  Dave the Whale.
G.  Zippy Zoo.

7. Liar,  liar...
A. You're a  liar.
B.  Your nose is growing.
C.  Pants on fire.
D.  Join the choir
E. Jump up higher.
F. On the  wire.
G.  I'm telling Mom.

8.. Meanwhile, back in Metropolis, Superman fights a never ending battle for truth, justice and
A.  Wheaties.
B. Lois  Lane   .
C.  TV ratings.
D.  World peace.
E.  Red tights.
F.  The American way.
G.  News headlines.

9. Hey kids!  What time is it?
A.  It's time for Yogi Bear.
B  It's time to do your homework.
C. It's Howdy  Doody Time.
D.  It's time for Romper Room.
E.  It's bedtime.
F.  The Mighty Mouse Hour..
G.  Scoopy Doo Time..



10. Lions and  tigers and bears!
A.  Yikes.
B.  Oh, no..
C.  Gee whiz.
D.  I'm scared...
E.  Oh my.
F..  Help! Help!
G.  Let's run.


11. Bob Dylan  advised us never to trust anyone....
A. Over  40.
B.  Wearing a uniform.
C..  Carrying a briefcase.
D.  Over 30.
E.  You don't know.
F.  Who says, 'Trust me'..
G.  Who eats tofu.

12. NFL  quarterback who appeared in a television commercial wearing women's stockings...
A.  Troy Aikman
B.  Kenny Stabler
C.  Joe Namath
D.  Roger Staubach
E.  Joe Montana
F.  Steve Young
G.  John Elway

13.  Brylcream...
A.  Smear it on.
B.  You'll smell great.
C.  Tame that cowlick.
D.  Grease ball heaven.
E.  It's a dream.
F.  We're your team.
G. A  little dab'll do ya.

14. I found my  thrill...
A.  In Blueberry muffins.
B.  With my man, Bill.
C.  Down at the mill.
D.  Over the windowsill.
E.  With thyme and dill.
F. Too late to  enjoy.
G.  On Blueberry Hill.
15.. Before  Robin Williams, Peter Pan was played  by...
A.  Clark Gable.
B.  Mary Martin.
C.  Doris Day.
D.  Errol Flynn.
E.  Sally Fields.
F.  Jim Carrey.
G.  Jay Leno.

16.. Name the  Beatles...
A.  John, Steve, George, Ringo
B.  John, Paul, George, Roscoe
C.  John, Paul, Stacey, Ringo
D.  Jay, Paul, George, Ringo
E.  Lewis, Peter, George, Ringo
F.  Jason, Betty, Skipper, Hazel
G.  John, Paul, George, Ringo

17. I wonder,  wonder, who.
A. Who ate the  leftovers?
B. Who did the  laundry?
C. Was it  you?
D. Who wrote the  book of love?
E. Who I  am?
F. Passed the  test?
G. Knocked on the  door?

18. I'm strong  to the finish...
A. Cause I eats  my broccoli.
B. Cause I eats  me spinach.
C. Cause I lift  weights.
D. Cause I'm the  hero.
E. And don't you  for get it.
F. Cause Olive  Oyl loves me.
G. To outlast  Bruto.

19. When it's  least expected, you're elected, you're the star  today.
A. Smile, you're  on Candid Camera.
B. Smile, you're  on Star Search.
C. Smile, you won  the lottery.
D. Smile, we're  watching you.
E. Smile, the  world sees you.
F. Smile, you're  a hit..
G. Smile, you're  on TV.


20. What do M  & M's do?
A. Make your  tummy happy.!
B. Melt in your mouth, not in your  pocket.
C. Make you  fat.
D. Melt your  heart.
E. Make you  popular.
F. Melt in your  mouth, not in your hand.
G. Come in  colors.




Below are  the right answers:
1.  D - Wonder  Bread
2.  G - Cassius  Clay
3.  B - He Is  us
4.  A - Good night,  Chet
5.  G - When you brush  your teeth with Pepsodent
6.  D - Maynard G. Krebs
7.  C - Pants on fire
8.  F - The  American  Way
9.  C - It's Howdy Doody  Time
10. E - Oh  my
11. D - Over  30
12. C - Joe  Namath
13. G - A little  dab'll do ya
14. G - On  Blueberry Hill
15. B - Mary  Martin
16. G - John,  Paul, George, Ringo
17. D - Who wrote  the book of Love
18. B - Cause I  eats me spinach
19. A - Smile,  you're on Candid Camera
20. F - Melt in  your mouth not in your hand

These Seven Words



Keep that brain working; see if you can figure out what these seven words all have in common?

1. Banana
2. Dresser
3. Grammar
4. Potato
5. Revive
6. Uneven
7. Assess

Give it another try. Look at each word carefully. You'll kick yourself when you discover the answer. This is so cool.....

Answer:  In all of the words listed, if you take the first letter, place it at the end of the word, and then spell the word backwards, it will be the same word. Did you figure it out? No?

The Quilt Holes



As I faced my Maker at the last judgment, I knelt before the Lord along with all the other souls. Before each of us laid our lives like the squares of a quilt in many piles; an angel sat before each of us sewing our quilt squares together into a tapestry that was our life. But as my angel took each piece of cloth off the pile, I noticed how ragged and empty each of my squares was. They were filled with giant holes. Each square was labeled with a part of my life that had been difficult, the challenges and temptations I was faced with in everyday life. I saw hardships that I endured, which were the largest holes of all.
I glanced around me. Nobody else had such squares. Other than a tiny hole here and there, the other tapestries were filled with rich color and the bright hues of worldly fortune. I gazed upon my own life and was disheartened.  My angel was sewing the ragged pieces of cloth together, threadbare and empty, like binding air. Finally the time came when each life was to be displayed, held up to the light, the scrutiny of truth. The others rose, each in turn, holding up their tapestries. So filled their lives had been. My angel looked upon me and nodded for me to rise.
My gaze dropped to the ground in shame. I hadn't had all the earthly fortunes. I had love in my life and laughter. But there had also been trials of illness and wealth, and false accusations that took from me
my world, as I knew it. I had to start over many times. I often struggled with the temptation to quit, only to somehow muster the strength to pick up and begin again. I spent many nights on my knees in prayer, asking for help and guidance in my life. I had often been held up to ridicule, which I endured painfully, each time offering it up to the Father in hopes that I would not melt within my skin beneath the judgmental gaze of those who unfairly judged me.
And now, I had to face the truth: My life was what it was, and I had to accept it for what it was. I rose and slowly lifted the combined squares of my life to the light. An awe-filled gasp filled the air. I gazed around at the others who stared at me with wide eyes.  Then, I looked upon the tapestry before me. Light flooded the many holes, creating an image: the face of Christ. Then our Lord stood before me, with warmth and love in His eyes. He said, 'Every time you gave over your life to Me, it became My life, My hardships, and My struggles.
'Each point of light in your life is when you stepped aside and let Me shine through, until there was more of Me than there was of you.' May all our quilts be threadbare and worn, allowing Christ to shine
through! God determines who walks into your life...it's up to you to decide who you let walk away, who you let stay and who you refuse to let go. When there is nothing left but God that is when you find out that God is all you need.

Senior Discounts You Need To Ask For



As I was waiting in line behind an older gentleman at Wendy's recently, I heard him ask for his senior discount. The girl at the register apologized and charged him less. When I asked the man what the discount was, he told me that seniors over age 55 gets 10% off everything on the menu, every day. Being of 'that' age myself, I figured I might as well ask for the discount too.
This incident prompted me to do some research, and I came across a list of restaurants, supermarkets, department stores, travel deals and other types of offers giving various discounts with different age requirements. I was actually surprised to see how many there are and how some of them start at the young age of 50 .
You must ask for your discount !
Alamo Car Rental: up to 25% off for AARP members
Alaska Airlines: 10% off (65+)
Albertson's: 10% off first Wednesday of each month ( 55 +)
AMC Theaters: up to 30% off ( 55 +)
American Airlines: various discounts for 65 and up (call before booking for discount)
American Discount Stores: 10% off every Monday ( 50 +)
Amtrak: 15% off (62+)
Applebee's: 15% off with Golden Apple Card (60+)
Arby's: 10% off ( 55 +)
AT&T: Special Senior Nation 200 Plan $29.99/month (65+)
Avis: up to 25% off for AARP members Best Western: 10% off ( 55 +)
Bally Total Fitness: up to $100 off memberships (62+)
Banana Republic: 10% off ( 50 +)
Bealls: 20% off first Tuesday of each month ( 50 +)
Belk's: 15% off first Tuesday of every month ( 55 +)
Ben & Jerry's: 10% off (60+)
Bennigan's: discount varies by location (60+)
Big Lots: 10% off
Bob's Big Boy: discount varies by location (60+)
Bon-Ton Department Stores: 15% off on senior discount days ( 55 +)
Boston Market: 10% off (65+)
Budget Rental Cars: 10% off; up to 20% off for AARP members ( 50+)
Burger King: 10% off (60+)
Busch Gardens Tampa, FL: $3 off one-day tickets ( 50 +)
C.J. Banks: 10% off every Wednesday (60+)
Cambria Suites: 20%-30% off (60+)
Carmike Cinemas: 35% off (65+)
Chick-Fil-A: 10% off or free small drink or coffee ( 55+)
Chili's: 10% off ( 55+)
CiCi's Pizza: 10% off (60+)
Cinemark/Century Theaters: up to 35% off
Clarion Motels: 20%-30% off (60+)
Clarks: 10% off (62+)
Comfort Inn: 20%-30% off (60+)
Comfort Suites: 20%-30% off (60+)
Compare Foods Supermarket: 10% off every Wednesday (60+)
Continental Airlines: no initiation fee for Continental Presidents Club & special fares for select
destinations
DeCicco Family Markets: 5% off every Wednesday (60+)
Denny's: 10% off, 20% off for AARP members ( 55 +)
Dollar Rent-A-Car: 10% off ( 50+)
Dress Barn: 10% off ( 55+)
Dunkin' Donuts: 10% off or free coffee ( 55+)
Econo Lodge: 20%-30% off (60+)
Einstein's Bagels: 10% off baker's dozen of bagels (60+)
Enterprise Rent-A-Car: 5% off for AARP members
Food Lion: 6% off every Monday (60+)
Fry's Supermarket: free Fry's VIP Club Membership & 10% off every Monday ( 55 +)
Fuddrucker's: 10% off any senior platter ( 55+)
Gatti's Pizza: 10% off (60+)
Golden Corral: 10% off (60+)
Goodwill: 10% off one day a week (date varies by location)
Great Clips: $3 off hair cuts (60+)
Great Valu Food Store: 5% off every Tuesday (60+)
Greyhound: 5% off (62+)
Gristedes Supermarket: 10% off every Tuesday (60+)
Hallmark: 10% off one day a week (date varies by location)
Hampton Inns & Suites: 10% off when booked 72 hours in advance
Hardee's: $0.33 beverages everyday (65+)
Harris Teeter: 5% off every Tuesday (60+)
Hertz: up to 25% off for AARP members Holiday Inn: 10%-30% off depending on location (62+)
Hyatt Hotels: 25%-50% off (62+)
Hy-Vee: 5% off one day a week (date varies by location)
IHOP: 10% off ( 55+)
InterContinental Hotels Group: various discounts at all hotels (65+)
Jack in the Box: up to 20% off ( 55+)
Jitterbug: $10/month cell phone service ( 50 +)
KFC: free small drink with any meal ( 55+)
Kmart: 20% off ( 50+)
Kohl's: 15% off (60+)
Krispy Kreme: 10% off ( 50+)
Kroger: 10% off (date varies by location)
Long John Silver's: various discounts at locations ( 55+)
Mainstay Suites: 10% off with Mature Traveler's Discount (50+); 20%-30% off (60+)
Marriott Hotels: 15% off (62+)
McDonald's: discounts on coffee everyday ( 55+)
Modell's Sporting Goods: 10% off
Morton Williams Supermarket: 5% off every Tuesday (60+)
Motel 6: 10% off (60+)
Mrs. Fields: 10% off at participating locations (60+)
Myrtle Beach Resort: 10% off ( 55 +)
National Rent-A-Car: up to 30% off for AARP members
Publix: 5% off every Wednesday ( 55 +)
Quality Inn: 20%-30% off (60+)
Regal Cinemas: 30% off Ripley's Believe it or Not: @ off one-day ticket ( 55 +)
Rite Aid: 10% off on Tuesdays & 10% off prescriptions
Rodeway Inn: 20%-30% off (60+)
Rogers Marketplace: 5% off every Thursday (60+)
Ross Stores: 10% off every Tuesday ( 55+)
SeaWorld Orlando, FL: $3 off one-day tickets ( 50 +)
Shoney's: 10% off Sonic: 10% off or free beverage (60+)
Sleep Inn: 20%-30% off (60+)
Southwest Airlines: various discounts for ages 65 and up (call before booking for discount)
Steak 'n Shake: 10% off every Monday & Tuesday ( 50+)
Stein Mart: 20% off red dot/clearance items first Monday of every month ( 55 +)
Subway: 10% off (60+)
Super Cuts: $2 off haircuts (60+)
Sweet Tomatoes: 10% off (62+)
Taco Bell : 5% off; free beverages for seniors (65+)
TCBY: 10% off ( 55+)
Tea Room Cafe: 10% off ( 50+)
The Plant Shed: 10% off every Tuesday ( 50 +)
The Salvation Army Thrift Stores: up to 50% off ( 55+)
Trailways Transportation System: various discounts for ages 50+
U.S. Airways: various discounts for ages 65 and up (call before booking for discount)
U.S. National Parks: $10 lifetime pass; 50% off additional services including camping (62+)
Uncle Guiseppe's Marketplace: 5% off (62+)
United Airlines: various discounts for ages 65 and up (call before booking for discount)
Verizon Wireless: Verizon Nationwide 65 Plus Plan $29.99/month (65+).
Village Inn: 10% off (60+)
Waffle House: 10% off every Monday (60+)
Wendy's: 10% off ( 55 +)
White Castle: 10% off (62+)

92 Year Old Preacher



I watched on TV a church in Atlanta honoring one of its senior pastors who had been retired many years. He was 92 at that time & I wondered why the church even bothered to ask the old gentleman to preach at that age. After a warm welcome, introduction of this speaker, & as the applause quieted down, he rose from his high back chair & walked slowly, with great effort & a sliding gait to the podium. Without a note or written paper of any kind he placed both hands on the pulpit to steady himself & then quietly & slowly he began to speak:
"When I was asked to come here today & talk to you, your pastor asked me to tell you what was the greatest lesson ever learned in my 50-odd years of preaching. I thought about it for a few days & boiled it down to just one thing that made the most difference in my life & sustained me through all my trials... The one thing that I could always rely on when tears, heartbreak, pain, fear & sorrow paralyzed me... The only thing that would comfort was this verse: "Jesus loves me this I know, for the Bible tells me so. Little ones to Him belong, we are weak but He is strong Yes, Jesus loves me, the Bible tells me so."
"Here for you now is a Senior version of Jesus Loves Me":
  1. Jesus loves me, this I know, though my hair is white as snow, though my sight is growing dim. Still He bids me trust in Him. (CHORUS)
  2. Though my steps are oh, so slow, with my hand in His I'll go. On through life, let come what may, He'll be there to lead the way. (CHORUS)
  3. When the nights are dark & long, In my heart He puts a song. Telling me in words so clear, "Have no fear, for I am near." (CHORUS)
  4. When my work on earth is done, And life's victories have been won. He will take me home above, then I'll understand His love. (CHORUS)
  5. I love Jesus, does He know, have I ever told Him so? Jesus loves to hear me say, that I love Him every day. (CHORUS)

The Story of Adam & Eve's Pets



Adam and Eve said, 'Lord, when we were in the garden, you walked with us every day. Now we do not see you any more. We are lonesome here, and it is difficult for us to remember how much you love us.'  And God said, "I will create a companion for you that will be with you and who will be a reflection of my love for you, so that you will love me even when you cannot see me." Regardless of how selfish or childish or unlovable you may be, this new companion will accept you as you are and will love you as I do, in spite of yourselves.'  And God created a new animal to be a companion for Adam and Eve.  And it was a good animal and God was pleased.  And the new animal was pleased to be with Adam and Eve and he wagged his tail.
And Adam said, 'Lord, I have already named all the animals in the Kingdom and I cannot think of a name for this new animal.'  And God said, 'I have created this new animal to be a reflection of my love for you, his name will be a reflection of my own name, and you will call him DOG.' And Dog lived with Adam and Eve and was a companion to them and loved them.  And they were comforted.  And God was pleased.  And Dog was content and wagged his tail. 
After a while, it came to pass that an angel came to the Lord and said, 'Lord, Adam and Eve have become filled with pride. They strut and preen like peacocks and they believe they are worthy of adoration. Dog has indeed taught them that they are loved, but perhaps too well.' And God said, "I will create for them a companion who will be with them and who will see them as they are." The companion will remind them of their limitations, so they will know that they are not always worthy of adoration.'  And God created CAT to be a companion to Adam and Eve.  And Cat would not obey them. And when Adam and Eve gazed into Cat's eyes, they were reminded that they were not the supreme beings. And Adam and Eve learned humility. And they were greatly improved.  And God was pleased.  And Dog was happy.  And Cat didn't care one way or the other.

Mama's Bible



Four brothers left home for college, and they became successful doctors and lawyers.  One evening, they chatted after having dinner together. They discussed the 95th birthday gifts they were able to give their elderly mother who moved to Florida.  The first said, "You know I had a big house built for Mama." The second said, "And I had a large theater built in the house."  The third said, "And I had my Mercedes dealer deliver an SL600 to her." 
The fourth said, "You know how Mama loved reading the Bible and you know she can't read anymore because she can't see very well. I met this preacher who told me about a cockatoo who could recite the entire Bible. It took ten preachers almost 8 years to teach him. I had to pledge to contribute $50,000 a year for five years to the church, but it was worth it.  Mama only has to name the chapter and verse, and the parrot will recite it."  The other brothers were impressed.
After the celebration Mama sent out her "Thank You" notes.  She wrote: Milton, the house you built is so huge that I live in only one room, but I have to clean the whole house. Thanks anyway."  "Marvin, I am too old to travel. I stay home; I have my groceries delivered, so I never use the Mercedes. The thought was good. Thanks."  "Michael, you gave me an expensive theater with Dolby sound and it can hold 50 people, but all of my friends are dead, I've lost my hearing, and I'm nearly blind. I'll never use it. Thank you for the gesture just the same."
"Dearest Melvin, you were the only son to have the good sense to give a little thought to your gift. The chicken was delicious. Thank you so much."

Love, Mama

A Nun Grading Papers



Can you imagine the nun sitting at her desk grading these papers, all the while trying to keep a straight face and maintain her composure!  You'll find this hilarious! It comes from a catholic elementary school test.
Kids were asked questions about the old and new testaments. The following 25 statements about the bible were written by children. They have not been retouched or corrected. Incorrect spelling has been left in.

1. In the first book of the bible, guinessis. God got tired of creating the world so he took the Sabbath off.
2. Adam and eve were created from an apple tree. Noah's wife was Joan of Ark. Noah built and ark and
the animals came on in pears.
3. Lots wife was a pillar of salt during the day, but a ball of fire during the night.
4. The Jews were a proud people and throughout history they had trouble with unsympathetic genitals.
5. Sampson was a strongman who let himself be led astray by a Jezebel like Delilah.
6. Samson slayed the philistines with the axe of the apostles.
7. Moses led the Jews to the red sea where they made unleavened bread, which is bread without any
ingredients.
8. The Egyptians were all drowned in the dessert. Afterwards, mosses went up to mount cyanide to get the
Ten Commandments.
9. The first commandments was when eve told Adam to eat the apple.
10. The seventh commandment is thou shalt not admit adultery.
11. Moses died before he ever reached Canada then Joshua led the Hebrews in the battle of Geritol.
12. The greatest miracle in the bible is when Joshua told his son to stand still and he obeyed him.
13. David was a Hebrew king who was skilled at playing the liar. He fought the Finkelsteins, a race of
people who lived in biblical times.
14. Solomon, one of David’s sons, had 300 wives and 700 porcupines.
15. When Mary heard she was the mother of Jesus, she sang the Magna Carta.
16. When the three wise guys from the east side arrived they found Jesus in the manager.
17. Jesus was born because Mary had an immaculate contraption.
18. St. John the blacksmith dumped water on his head.
19. Jesus enunciated the golden rule, which says to do unto others before they do one to you. He also
explained a man doth not live by sweat alone.
20. It was a miracle when Jesus rose from the dead and managed to get the tombstone off the entrance.
21. The people who followed the lord were called the 12 decibels.
22. The Epistles were the wives of the Apostles.
23. One of the oppossums was St. Matthew who was also a taximan.
24. St. Paul cavorted to Christianity; he preached holy acrimony, which is another name for marriage.
25. Christians have only one spouse. This is called monotony.