Saturday, November 27, 2010

Thoughts on Aging

--- Just before the funeral services, the undertaker came up to the
very elderly widow and asked, "How old was your husband?" "98,"
she replied. "Two years older than me." "So you're 96," the
undertaker commented. She responded, "Hardly worth going home,
is it?

--- Reporters interviewing a 104-year-old woman: "And what do you
think is the best thing about being 104?" the reporter asked.
She simply replied, "No peer pressure."

--- The nice thing about being senile is you can hide your own
Easter eggs

--- I've sure gotten old! I've had two bypass surgeries, a hip
replacement, new knees. Fought prostate cancer and diabetes. I'm
half blind, can't hear anything quieter than a jet engine, take
40 different medications that make me dizzy, winded, and subject
to blackouts. Have bouts with dementia. Have poor circulation;
hardly feel my hands and feet anymore. Can't remember if I'm 85
or 92. Have lost all my friends. But, thank God, I still have my
driver's license.

--- I feel like my body has gotten totally out of shape, so I got
my doctor's permission to join a fitness club and start
exercising. I decided to take an aerobics class for seniors. I
bent, twisted, gyrated, jumped up and down, and perspired for an
hour. But, by the time I got my leotards on, the class was over.

--- An elderly woman decided to prepare her will and told her
preacher she had two final requests. First, she wanted to be
cremated, and second, she wanted her ashes scattered over
Wal-Mart. "Wal-Mart?" the preacher exclaimed. "Why Wal-Mart?" "Then
I'll be sure my daughters visit me twice a week "

--- My memory's not as sharp as it used to be. Also, my memory's not
as sharp as it used to be.

--- I've still got it, but nobody wants to see it.

--- I'm getting into swing dancing. Not on purpose. Some parts of
my body are just prone to swinging.

--- It's scary when you start making the same noises as your

--- These days about half the stuff in my shopping cart says, "For
fast relief."

--- Don't think of it as getting hot Flashes. Think of it as your
inner child playing with matches.

--- Don't let aging get you down. It's too hard to get back up!

--- Remember: You don't stop laughing because you grow old, You
grow old because you stop laughing.

Grant me the senility to
Forget the people I never liked anyway,
The good fortune to run into the ones I do,
And the eyesight to tell the difference.

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