When you occasionally have a really bad day, and you just need to take it out on someone, don't take it out on someone you know, take it out on someone you don't know.
I was sitting at my desk when I remembered a phone call I'd forgotten to make. I found the number and dialed it. A man answered, saying "Hello." I politely said, "This is Chris. Could I please speak with Robyn Carter?"
Suddenly a manic voice yelled out in my ear "Get the right *^%$#@ number!" and the phone was slammed down on me. I couldn't believe that anyone could be so rude. When I tracked down Robyn's correct number to call her, I found that I had really transposed the last two digits. After hanging up with her, I decided to call the 'wrong' number again.
When the same guy answered the phone, I yelled "You're a jerk!" and hung up. I wrote his number down with the word 'jerk' next to it, and put it in my desk drawer. Every couple of weeks, when I was paying bills or had a really bad day, I'd call him up and say, "You're a jerk", and hang up before he could respond, and laugh to myself. It always cheered me up.
When Caller ID was introduced, I thought my scheduled 'jerk' calling would have to stop. So, I called his number and said, "Hi, this is John Smith from the telephone company. I'm calling to see if you're familiar with our Caller ID Program?" He yelled "NO!" and slammed down the phone. I quickly called him back and said, "That's because you're a jerk" and hung up.
One day I was at the store, getting ready to pull into a parking spot. Some guy in a black BMW cut me off and pulled into the spot I had patiently waited for. I hit the horn and yelled that I'd been waiting for that spot, but the idiot ignored me. I noticed a "For Sale" sign in his back window, so I wrote down his number.
A couple of days later, right after calling the first jerk (I had his number on speed dial,) I thought that I'd better call the BMW jerk, too. I said, "Is this the man with the black BMW for sale?" He said, "Yes, it is." I asked, "Can you tell me where I can see it?" He said, "Yes, I live at 34 Oak Tree Blvd. It's a yellow Rambler, and the car's parked right out in front." I asked, "What's your name?" He said, "My name is Don Hansen," I asked, "When's a good time to catch you, Don?" He said, "I'm home every evening after five." I said, "Listen, Don, can I tell you something?" He said, "Yes?" I said, "Don, you're a jerk" Then I hung up, and added his number to my speed dial, too. Now, when I had a problem, I had two jerks to call.
One day, I had had an EXTREMELY frustrating day. I came up with an idea. This was gonna be good.......
I called Jerk #1. He said, "Hello." I said, "You're a jerk" (But I didn't hang up.) He asked, "Are you still there?" I said, "Yeah," He screamed, "Stop calling me," I said, "Make me," He asked, "Who are you?" I said, "My name is Don Hansen." He said, "Yeah? Where do you live?" I said, "Jerk, I live at 34 Oak Tree Blvd, with a yellow rambler, and I have a black BMW parked in front." He said, "I'm coming over right now, Don. And you had better start saying your prayers." I said, "Yeah, like I'm really scared, jerk," and hung up.
Then I called Jerk #2. He said, "Hello?" I said, "Hello, jerk," He yelled, "If I ever find out who you are..." I said, "You'll what?" He exclaimed, "I'll kick your (well, let's not get into what all he was going to kick)," I answered, "Well, jerk, here's your chance. I'm coming over right now."
Then I hung up and immediately called the police, saying that I was on my way to 34 Oak Tree Blvd and that I was going to kill the guy who married my ex-girlfriend. Then I called Channel 5 News about the gang war going down on Oak Tree Blvd.
I quickly got into my car and headed over to 34 Oak Tree Blvd. I got there just in time to watch two Jerks beating the tar out of each other in front of six cop cars, an overhead news helicopter and surrounded by a news crew.
NOW I feel much better. Anger management really does work.